Parenting. Is. Hard.

Being a parent is HARD. So dang hard. We beat ourselves up over EVERYTHING. I breastfed. I didn’t breastfeed. I didn’t breastfeed long enough. I held my baby all the time. I put my baby in the swing often. I feed him only perfectly organic homemade food. I fed him whatever the hell he wanted because I’m tired and trying to survive the day and that means cookies for breakfast. It’s a never-ending mind game that we subject ourselves to. With a two second Google search we can find articles backing up the fact that we suck as parents. (Hey you, stop googling so much!)

I made a Facebook post about mom guilt and giving yourself grace as a parent a few months ago. 

September 7, 2016 - “It's well past midnight and I've been up working. Happened to pick up my phone to search for a photo I needed and stumbled upon a ton of photos Ben took of me today. It's not the first time he's taken photos with my phone. Usually it's just 50 identical copies of a blanket. Today it was me. At first I was horrified when I saw the pictures. I look tired. I've worn the same leggings for two days. It's hard for me to remember the last time I wore my hair down. But there I am, in my element, changing poop diapers by day and handling business by night.

Mommas (and Daddies too!), cheers to you! It's so easy to feel like you don't have it together or that you are doing things wrong. Cheers to you, rocking that sweet baby for the 4th time already tonight. Cheers to you, working parents/work at home parents/stay at home parents (it's all hard!). We are in the trenches people. Give yourself some grace.

So thankful for a supportive husband and a VILLAGE of people that help me survive.”

Sadly, what I’ve seen more of lately is “mom shaming”. As if we don't find our own faults enough, now we have parents judging other parents about stuff they know nothing about. It hurts my heart to see this. Imagine your worst 30 seconds of parenting. That shouldn’t take long. Now imagine that someone bases his or her entire opinion of your parenting skills on those 30 seconds. Kinda crappy. How about we give grace. We have NO IDEA what people are dealing with 24/7. This “mom shaming” becomes even worse when it’s posted on the internet for all to judge. People leave mean and ridiculous comments. It spirals out. Of. Control! And these parents now have to not only deal with being a parent, which is SO HARD, they now get harassed on top of that. It’s sickening to watch. I refuse to be a part of that. If you see something you don’t like…keep scrolling! No need to add to the hate. What are we teaching our kids by doing this? What if it was your kid being harassed? How is this even a thing?

I’m so incredibly lucky that I have a strong village of mothers to surround myself with. This past week we were talking about mom shaming and laughing about some of the things that we have done in the past and what others may think of those parenting moments. Here's a good sampling of how that conversation went:

-       “I let my kid watch TV so I could take a nap.”

-       “I gave my kid candy so he would quit screaming.”

-       “We skipped bath because I was just DONE for the day.”

-       “I used to let my son pee off the deck instead of in the bathroom because he loved it…and I didn’t have to clean the toilet as much!”

-       “I let them eat the batter…with raw eggs in it.”

-       “I put bubbles in my daughter’s bath and call that clean sometimes.”

-       “I actually enjoy going to my gyno appointment for the sole reason I get some kid free time out of it.”

-       “My two year old said “damn it” in the correct context.”

So the next time you feel like judging that mom for sticking an iPad in her kids face while out to grab a bite to eat, remember that may be the only 10 minutes of silence she’s had all day. When you see that mom on the brink of tears at the store…give that woman a hug and let her know there will be better days.

One time while flying alone with my then 18 month old, I was in TEARS. He was flipping his lid. Crying, screaming, kicking, wouldn’t let me hold him…all in a tiny cramped airplane seat. I was flying Southwest so people had to decide if they wanted to sit next to THAT. I got so many looks. Older people rolling their eyes as they passed. I could hear them making rude comments as if I had control over this situation. I will NEVER forget the man that chose to sit next to me. He sat down on his own free will and looked right at me and said “I have kids. You are going to be ok. Don’t worry.” I couldn’t even open my mouth to reply because only an ugly cry would have come out.

Be that person for someone else. Give grace. 

Love, Nikki